We got a dude problem

We got a dude problem.

And not the dude problem everyone’s been obsessing over for the last few years—the manosphere, the red-pill podcast circuit, the algorithmically amplified grievance machine. That is a problem, and I’ll give it its own lukewarm take another time.

This is a different dude problem.

This is the pseudo-progressive, beltway-approved, message-tested, very serious guy problem. And it’s going to cost us elections at best, the entire democratic project at worst.

Let’s rewind to that cold November day in 2024. I know, I know—we’ve all been trying to forget. But stay with me.

Almost immediately after the election, the chatter started: abortion access was “overemphasized.” We talked about it too much. It was a mistake. And then—quietly, efficiently, almost elegantly—a retreat began. Funders pulled back. Campaigns pivoted. Leaders who had happily leveraged abortion access as an electoral motivator dropped it faster than a mug fresh out of the microwave.

Never mind that abortion access ballot measures won in 7 out of 10 states. Never mind that women across every demographic—white, Black, Latina, Asian American—broke for Harris by significant margins: 53% overall, with Black women at 91% and Latina women at 60%. Never mind that in swing states, the gender gap reached historic proportions, with women favoring Harris by 10-15 points in places like Pennsylvania and Michigan. It was time to “move on.” Time to get “serious” about the “real issues.”

Now look—I know abortion access and women’s issues aren’t synonymous. But let’s be honest about how they function as proxies in our political imagination. Despite the fact that the majority of Americans support abortion access (63% according to Pew Research), it gets coded as “a women’s thing.” Which is its own problem, but that’s a different hill for a different day.

But here’s where the real danger shows up.

While the pro-democracy beltway bros (and a few complicit gals) are backing away from women, the fascists are sprinting toward us.

They’ve done the math.

They know that to fulfill their sad little authoritarian fantasies—world domination, enforced hierarchy, women back in their “place”—they don’t just need men. They need some of us to come along willingly.

And they’ve been busy.

They’re building entire platforms to make servitude sexy. The “tradwife” industrial complex—complete with sourdough tutorials and floral dresses—repackages subjugation as aesthetic choice. Influencers like Hannah Neeleman (”Ballerina Farm”) rack up millions of followers romanticizing lives where women’s primary value is domestic output. The gender wars aren’t organic—they’re orchestrated. Andrew Tate, with 9.9 million Twitter followers, tells young men that women “belong in the home” and shouldn’t drive. Jordan Peterson frames any attempt at gender equity as “chaos” threatening the “natural order.” Fresh & Fit podcast hosts (2.5 million YouTube subscribers) dedicate entire episodes to why modern women are “ruined” by education and careers.

They are rebranding submission as empowerment. Making it “cool” to serve your man. Waging gender wars that normalize the idea that women working is unfeminine, that motherhood is the only respectable identity, and that “real ladies” center men at all times. They normalize 20- and 30-year age gaps because, in their worldview, women expire. Older women belong at home, invisible, caregiving until they disappear. There are entire websites dedicated to how to please your husband—because his pleasure is the point. Teaching women that beauty is currency, health exists only in relation to the male gaze, and aging is a moral failure.

They are redefining feminism into a kind of aestheticized servitude. Weaponizing “womanhood” to attack queer communities while claiming feminist credibility. Selling obedience as joy and erasing happiness entirely.

And hovering over all of it is “Make America Healthy Again,” which—spoiler alert—is already coming for women’s bodily autonomy, medical decision-making, and reproductive healthcare under the language of wellness and morality. RFK Jr.’s crusade includes rolling back access to emergency contraception, restricting mifepristone, and promoting “traditional family structures” that just happen to require women’s unpaid labor.

This is a full-court press. Maybe not aimed at all women—but at enough of us. Enough to fracture coalitions. Enough to shave margins. Enough to hand over power and lock it in.

And here’s the part that should scare us most: we don’t have a real answer on our side.

Somehow, the dudes on our side have decided that democracy and economic justice are not women’s issues. That patriarchy can wait. That gender is a distraction. That women’s lives, labor, safety, and autonomy are bargaining chips for a “big tent.” That we can talk about dismantling patriarchy later, after the economy, after the polls, after the vibes improve.

As if the economy doesn’t intersect with gender.
As if democracy doesn’t live or die in women’s bodies.
As if patriarchal violence—performed loudly in the White House and casually in the streets—isn’t literally killing us.

Even the idea of a “pro-life Democrat” should stop the room cold. Because what that really says is that bodily autonomy—and women’s lives—are negotiable. That some of us are acceptable losses.

But here’s the hard truth: the fascists understand something fundamental about power that our side keeps forgetting. You cannot sideline women and expect to save democracy. You cannot out-strategize fascism while abandoning the people it is actively recruiting. And you cannot win elections while treating half the electorate as an afterthought or a liability. You win by building a movement that offers a genuine alternative vision.

If women’s autonomy is treated as optional, as strategic excess, as something we can come back to later, then the outcome is already decided. The right understands this. That’s why they are organizing women while our side is managing us. That’s why they are offering belonging, purpose, and identity while we are offered silence and patience.

This dude problem doesn’t just risk an election—it guarantees a future where power hardens, rights shrink, and violence becomes normalized. If we refuse to confront it, patriarchy won’t just be undefeated. It becomes adamantium, indestructible for generations to come.

If we keep letting the dudes in charge sacrifice women on the altar of electoral strategy—we’re going to lose. Not just elections. The whole project.